Channeling Giovanni - Rambling thoughts from outside the cha cha...

Me: Interesting, peculiar, awash in contradiction, sensitive, easily distracted, odd, thoughtful, odd, political, philistine, romantic, laid back, clever, sweet, puppy dog, introspective, hyper, odd, Bohemian, untrendy, jock, and all around good guy.

Friday, June 30, 2006

All horned up, gee I wonder why

So, my significant other often spends a good chunk of his evening surfing porn. Especially "straight guy" porn like Sean Cody stuff. Then he wonders why he is always horny and obsessing about sex with straight guys. We reap what we sow. You don't get in the sandbox and then wonder why you have sand in your shows.

This seems to be a common theme amoung several of my friends. They spend WAY too much of their time surfing porn, chatting, or working on their myspace.com sites. Come on guys, get a real life!

I learned a long time ago that surfing or watching porn was the quickest way to motivate myself to go out and get in to "trouble". :-)

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Why "thoughts outside the cha cha"

Okay, so someone asked me what "outside the cha cha" meant.

When I was relatively young, the gay bar in my home town was a few steps above a dive. Well, it was not too bad, but it was not the nicest bar in town, either. We called it the White Avenue Danceteria (jokinginly) or the "cha cha".

I found it much more interesting to hang out with the people that usually collected on the sidewalk across the street from the bar. On any given night, a bunch of us would hang out across the street on the sidewalk or in the parking lot. It was a lot more fun than going inside. We could talk story, hang out, and, of course, diss the people going in that we did not like.

Much of my early life, I was an outsider. Even when I acknowledged being gay and starting going to the bars, I prefered being "outside". Still do, I guess.

So, that is "thoughts from outside the cha cha". I always prefer looking at things from an outsider's perspective.

Thursday, June 15, 2006

Personal Ad to Reality translator

I have seen this posted around a couple of places. A friend of mine is in the throes of trying to find a boyfriend and some of the ads he has answered have been so far from reality that it is depressing. He got a kick out of this and I figur that Channeling Giovanni needed some more humor and less ranting. Warning, turn on your sarcasm shields!

Personal Ad Translations
  • Age 25 = Real age 35
  • Age 35 = Real age 45
  • Age 45 = Real age 55
  • Age not important = As long as you are under 25
  • Age not specified = Above 60
  • Age is XX, but looks younger = I'm hoping you don't realize I'm 15 years older than I told you
  • Artistic = I'll read you poems till dawn
  • Attentive = I'm going to drive you crazy morning, noon and night
  • Athletic = Able to walk
  • Be around my age = Be younger than me
  • Bi-sexual = I have issues with my sexuality
  • Mostly straight = I am in serious denial
  • Clean = I take four or more showers a day
  • Coach type = 75 pounds overweight and want you to parade around my place in a jock strap
  • Computer savvy = I'm addicted to Internet chatting and spend $50 a month on porn site access
  • Chubby = Ex-sumo wrestler
  • Cultured = I drink beer from a glass
  • Curious = Experienced
  • Dad type = Looking for someone 25 years younger than me
  • Discreet = I'll leave blatantly obvious messages on your answering machine and your front door
  • Enjoy a porn movie occasionally = I have 500 porns and always keep one playing when I'm home. I'll watch them while we are having sex if you can even pry me away from the TV.
  • Generous = I'm looking to pay for it
  • Generou$ = I'm looking for YOU to pay for it
  • Good sense of humor = Gilbert Godfrey
  • Hairy = I hope you like back hair
  • Have 8" = I have a visible penis
  • High energy dancer = I will embarass you and anyone within 50 feet when we go dancing
  • Honesty important = You will eventually find out about all the lies I have told you
  • Huskey = Ex-sumo wrestler
  • I have a lot to offer = I'm gonna take, take, take
  • Independent = Co-dependent
  • Just to talk = I'll have my hands all over you the moment I see you
  • Light smoker = 2 packs a day
  • Like to cuddle = I have velcro fingers
  • Like to travel = You have a credit card, right?
  • Like nice clothing = That is where my rent money went last month
  • Lonely = I have velcro fingers
  • Looks not important = Quasimodo
  • Masculine = Not a pre-op transsexual
  • Muscular = I have arms and legs
  • Monogamy important = I'm going to sleep with your roommate and friends
  • Mostly a top = I'll rollover and face the pillow so fast it will make you dizzy
  • Must travel / You host = I live with my parents
  • No femmes = One of us has to be masculine and it ain't me
  • No games = I'm gonna fuck with your head big time
  • Not bad looking = Quasimodo
  • Financially secure = Quasimodo who will treat at McDonalds
  • Relationship possible = I'm looking for sex, so don't get any ideas
  • Responsible = I miss work because of hangovers, stand you up regularly, oversleep, and bounce checks
  • Romantic = Owns extensive Barry Manilow collection
  • Rugged = Face covered with scars
  • Sex 3 times or more a day = You will be lucky to get an erection from me once a week
  • Social drinker = I'll get rip-roaring drunk on our first date
  • Stable = Remember the movie Fatal Attraction?
  • Straight acting = You could pick me out as gay at a PTA meeting in Lynchburg, VA.
  • Stud = I have not looked in the mirror or stepped on a scale in 10 years
  • Student = Looking for Quasimodo who will treat at McDonalds
  • Tan = Leather skin
  • Teen = Well, I hope you are a teen, anyway
  • Willing to relocate = I have no visible means of support
  • Work out regularly = There is a gym in my neighborhood

Monday, June 12, 2006

Justin Timberlake, just what ARE you doing?

This picture is from the MTV Awards. Just what is Justin Timberlake grabbing for? Jake Gyllenhaal does not seem to mind, what ever he is doing.
Jake_justin_ass_grab

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Karma's a bitch

I have a friend from college that I had not seen in about 20+ years. When I was 21 and always pining away for a boyfriend, he would just laugh or sneer. This guy was not just very good looking, he was a Greek God. Charming, funny, fashionable, and fashionably unfashionable. You just have to hate guys like him. He could have gotten in Brad Pitt's pants. Women hit on him at school constantly and guys regularly offered him money, travel, or whatevers.

I was fortunate that he thought I was worthy of his attention; he would spend the night with me sometimes. I should have developed a terrible crush on him, but I did not. I guess I had him pegged already as to the type of person he was.

He always told me that he did not ever want a boyfriend, that he did not like dating, and that he had plenty of attention from guys whenever he wanted. Having a short-term or long-term boyfriend (the term "partner" had not yet been coined) was not in the mix for him. He blissfully went on his way walking over guys and using them along the way. (Well, I did not protest when he used me, but I already knew what kind of person he was and did not get my hopes up.)

We lost touch after he graduated and I did not really care find him since I had many other more sincere friends that I should try to keep up with. I missed a connecting flight out of Atlanta recently and had to spend the night; I looked up a few friends while I was there. One of my friends asked if I had seen M. recently; he was now living in Atlanta. Then I got the full scoop.

Apparently M. was one of these guys that did not age well. At 22 he was a God, but had been banished to being a troll by 42. 50 pounds and pattern male baldness had not been kind to him. I think guys that are bald or have shaved heads are usually pretty good looking, but M.'s head just was not quite shaped right for the hairless look. I looked him up out of curiousity and had breakfast with him the next morning before my flight. Yep, heinous, dude, pretty heinous.

I got the distinct impression that he still thought he was the cat's meow. But now he desparately wanted a boyfriend. All of his friends are now happily partnered away for 5+ years in reasonable stable relationships. He tried personal ads, phone ads, Internet ads, etc... but could not keep a relationship going for more than 2 dates before they guy would not call him back. He even suggested he could not understand why they would not call him back since they were so lucky to have a date with him in the first place (not his exact words, but you get the idea.)

Yep, bad Karma is a bitch. M., if you end up reading this. On your next date, consider that YOU are the lucky one and treat that person accordingly. Maybe you will get more than 2 dates out of it.

Age and treachery overcome youth and beauty every time!