Channeling Giovanni - Rambling thoughts from outside the cha cha...

Me: Interesting, peculiar, awash in contradiction, sensitive, easily distracted, odd, thoughtful, odd, political, philistine, romantic, laid back, clever, sweet, puppy dog, introspective, hyper, odd, Bohemian, untrendy, jock, and all around good guy.

Tuesday, May 28, 2013

Web browsers create catfish and jerks

I say this at least once a week.  I am SO glad I'm not single.

Guys online (insert your favorite dating/hookup site here) are complete jerk-wads.  And, the anonymity of the Internet seems to amplify this in people's personalities.  One of my close friends is in the dating scene and is trying to make the online dating thing work.  And failing horribly.  Here are some of the types of guys (with my own attempt at humor inserted.)

  • The catfisher.  Everyone has heard about the catfisher.  He wants completely an online relationship. Probably lives in another city.  May ask for money. 
  • The pic collector. This guy has been around as long as the Internet has been online.  "Can you send me another picture?"  "That picture you sent me is not very clear.  Send another."  "I need a body/naked/ass picture before I meet up."  The pic collector always has a reason why he needs another picture of you but has sent none of himself. 
  • F is for Fake.  Why do guys do this?  They set up a fake profile.  Steal someone else's pictures.  Then they chat with you about meeting.  
  • The picture from 15 years ago guy.  He has pictures that are really old or they are taken from so far away you can't really see him.  He is embarrassed about his age or current physical shape.  Get over it dude. 
  • The A&F model.  File this in the "F" file for "fake".  He looks like an A&F model because the picture was from an A&F ad.
  • The tire kicker.  This guy is just checking things out.  Always.  You have a good chat and say "let's meet up".  He says "I'm not free now" or "I'm free next week sometime" or "Some other time".
  • The Something Better Might Come Along guy.  This guy likes you, but he does not "like you" like you.  So, he is waiting to see if he can arrange something better.  He will hit up you up later to meet but LONG after you have logged out.  This guy is related to the tire kicker. 
  • Blocks You When You Unlock guy.  This guy was expecting Brad Pitt and when you opened up and he say "Guy Next Door" he could not cope so he just blocked you.  What ever happened to, "I'm sorry I don't think it is a good match."
  • Mr. 8.5 Inches.  To read dating site profiles, you would think that all gay men are massively hung.  In Internet-world, the measuring stick starts reading it 2", not 0". 


A few months ago, I met up with a hot young guy that was half my age and completely fascinated by me.  While I found him very attractive, the age difference was far too much for me for anything other than a fling.  And I told him as much.  While he knows I'm in a relationship, he had hoped for something a bit more.

I asked him why he is attracted to a guy that is so much older (and more wrinkled and less hair and more fat)  than himself.  I sure can't last through 3 hour sex sessions any more, am only average endowed, and don't make much more than the average guy.

He said that I made him feel safe and that he liked my stability.  He liked my honesty. He liked my lack of drama and that I did not get spun up or stressed when things happened.  And, he liked that I had a different viewpoint on the world than his friends did. 


Are you listening younger guys?   Honesty?  No drama?  Stability?    Your youthful looks can get a hot guy.  Your attitude and presence can keep him.

Saturday, May 25, 2013

How to respond to a Craig's List ad

It is time for a follow up post to my award winning post on "How to write a Personals ad?". 

Frustrated because no one replied when you responded to their ad? Tired of the back and forth e-mails? Try these tips when you respond to a Craig's List Personals ad.

- Read the ad completely before responding.
- Responses with something like "Sup", "Still looking", or "Liked your ad" will get you ignored. Why would they even respond?
- If you are not what the person is looking for, don't respond. For example, if the ad says "No one over 30', don't respond if you are 31.
- Include your stats including height, weight, age, and ethnicity.
- If it is a hookup ad, include a little about what you are in to.
- Send clear/decent pics. YOU are responding to THEIR ad. Send your pic. If you don't trade pics or face pics, say that up front.
- Let them know if you can host and when.
- Tell the person what you want to happen next... Meetup? Coffee? More info? Blow in the bowling alley bathroom? 

Craig's List Mysteries

A friend of mine helped me put this together.  He had been checking out the Craig's scene for a few months. Some guys need a refresher in human interaction and need to understand how to be successful at Craig's dating, hookups, and the like.

"Just Dating" That is cool. Say so up front and stick to it. Don't send your naked pictures if you say you just want to go on a date.

"Your stats" This means at a minimum your height, weight, ethnicity, and age. Some people also include their dick size and if they are height/weight proportional. (HWP) Guys that leave these things out are leaving them out for a reason.

"What are you in to" Unless your ad is for strictly dating this is asking are you in to sexually such as oral, porn, verbal, jacking off, topping, bottoming, versatile, groups, etc..

"Pictures". Basic etiquette. Don't ask for something you have not sent. If you are responding to an ad, at LEAST send a body picture of YOURSELF, though guys are usually expecting your face picture. If you are responding to someone elses' ad, don't ask for his face picture unless you have sent one. You want face pictures first, post your own ad. If you don't send out face pictures at all, then state that up front. Some guys don't and some guys will meet up without one. But don't be surprised if I don't want to meet up with you.

"Face" pictures that are taken from 100 feet away or that are blurry or obscured are usually that way for a reason. Someone is trying to hide the fact that they are telling you they are 32y/o and they are really 52y/o.

"One liners" So, you send me a respond that just says "sup" or "still looking". Unless I'm incredibly bored, the "delete" button is easier to click than to respond to your lame ass. Ask yourself, why would YOU respond to a message like that?

"Cheaters". Cheating on your BF or GF. That is between you and your other half. But, don't lie to me and let me think you are single. And, if your other half is jealous or suspicious, don't leave my address or phone number laying around. And delete your damn text messages to me.

Fakes: First, I have met some hot guys on Craigs. Yes, there are some real guys out there. I have also been stood up 3 times and met guys that were 15 years older than their pictures look. I tend to like older guys so that is not a bad thing but the fact that you are dishonest up front means you are not getting a call back. I have had back and forth emails with guys that ask for more and more pictures and ask for dirty talk via email but they refuse to send their pics even after demanding multiple pictures from me. Those guys don't just get the "Delete" button but they get the "Junk Mail" button.

NSA is just that. "No Strings Attached" sex. It does not mean coffee, drinks, dinner, hanging around or driving around in my car. Don't contact someone for NSA sex and then ask to meet somewhere for drinks first. That is a date.

State What You Want and When: And say it it up front. We are all grown men here. Don't tell me you are ready to get together only to find after we have exchanged pics and numbers to find out that you don't get off until 5hours from now.

Hosting: If you can host safely, then do say so. But, if you want me to sneak in or climb in a freaking window, say so. I'll say no, but at least let me know. Don't let your horniness get the better of your judgement. I don't ever want to get caught with someone face down over their couch with me pounding them and have their roommate coming walking through the door with 2 of his friends. (Yes, it really happened and no, the friends were not turned on, and, no, they did NOT join in.)

Looking for something better: Don't lead me on for 2hours just because you are hoping something better will come along. You may think you are being coy when you keep making excuses but you are just being evasive and it is obvious.

HIV Negative As of September 30th. Seriously? That is not safe sex, that is limited containment after the fact. The HIV virus can remain undetectable for 3-months in some cases.

Sexual exploits and who is doing whom: Come on guys, try to keep some things private. 

How to write a Personals ad...

You see the guys posting "trying this again cuz it did not work last time" or "not found what I'm looking for", but their ads have no info. Avoid the trolls responding to your ads. Avoid people just skipping over your ad. Avoid the back-and-forth mails while the guy asks you a bunch of questions. 

Put the right things in your ad if you want results.

- Include your stats. Ethnicity, height, weight, AND age at a minimum
-Your body type (fat/stocky/average/buff/skinny)? Hairy/smooth? Bald/shaved/short hair/long hair?
- Hookup? Dating? NSA? DL? Say so.
- What type of pics do you expect? Face only? Body?
- Age range you looking for? Under 30? 25 - 45?
- Your ethnicity or ethnicities you are in to? White? Black? Asian? Latin?
- Type of guy you are in to? Body builder? Construction? Cowboy? Moke?
- If a hookup ad, what types of action? Top/bottom? Oral? Receiving only? Giving only? Kissing?

You will save yourself a LOT of time and frustration if you do this. And, anyone responding to your ad will know the answers to the most common questions. And, if a 60 year old guy responds and says "I know you said you were looking for guys under 25 but....", you can reply back "WTF, can't you read???!!!" LOL

Thursday, May 23, 2013

Straight.... to the nearest guy

In the category of dating and hookup sites, based on the on ads I have seen, it is amazing the number of straight guys and "first timers" that advertise every day. Many guys switching over daily!! At this rate, we will have no straight males left to help keep our species populated within a year.

And, it is nice that these "first timers" and straight guys already know the "gay" lingo such as "be HWP", "no fatties", "no femmes", "no chubs" and "no oldies".

Wednesday, May 22, 2013

Making fun of grandpa...

I remember the fun times; sitting in the bars with my friends making fun of the "old" guys and grandpas that were trying to look young with their caps, bleached hair, muscle shirts, and over-done tans. We resented it any time one of these guys even tried to be nice to us.

Now, 25 years later, I think about what a petty, judgmental, short-sighted twink some of my friends were. The young vs. old mentality was there even in 1980, but it was not as noticeable as today. Today, the young guys are almost violently anti-old guy. And, it is not just the young guys who are to blame.

I learned at about 23 years old not to be so judgmental of older guys. It turned out that some of my best and most interesting friends were 20+ years older than me. I was one of the lucky ones.

Old Guys
Don't be such lecherous old men. If a guy says he is not interested, leave it alone. Don't keep trying to get him in bed or ask him out or tell him he is missing out.  You want to ruin a potential friendship and generate resentment, THAT is the way to do it. We live in a youth-oriented culture, but you have to accept that you are not 21 anymore. Accept that most guys that are 10 years or more younger than you are not going to be in to you anymore. Take care of yourself, but age with a little dignity. And, don't lie about your age.

Young Guys
I promise you, if you continue to live, most if not all of these things will happen to you: You will get gray hair. Your hair will fall out. You will get man-boobs. Those abs you are so proud of will get covered in fat. Your skin will get leathery. Your skin will get wrinkled. Your stomach will expand and fall out over your belt. Your penis will not get as hard or get hard as quick. You will become the guy that you look at today and find "disgusting".  And, it will happen way before you expect it.

The loathing you find for "old guys" today will be self-loathing in the future. Enjoy your youth, but don't spend it hating the person that you will become.

Monday, May 20, 2013

HIV tested last month...

How many times have I heard a guy talking about safe sex and saying something like "I was tested last month so I'm clean."

That is not safe sex.  That is limited containment and damage control.  Unless you trust someone a WHOLE heck of a lot, put a condom on it.

HIV/AIDS still kills.

So, I'm back....

I guess I needed an outlet for gay thoughts....

Monday, May 28, 2007

Slipping that raincoat off....

A few days ago, a friend told me that he was excited he had a "date" with a hot guy coming up.  They had been trying to find a time to meet and had finally agreed.

Once they ended up in bed and the heat of the moment took over, they started enjoying themselves.  My friend put a condom on the guy and laid back to enjoy.   After several minutes, they shifted positions and my friend said he felt around back there and found the guy had no condom on.

He jumped forward and asked the guy what happened to the condom.  The guy said "I can't stay hard for long with them on."  Then the guy started to put his member back inside my friend.

My friend got mad and told him to get out.  He called me today and asked me if he overreacted.  I told him I would have taken a picture to share with the Health Department.

Monday, April 09, 2007

Regent University School of Law and the current Bush scandal

While I'm not one of those that believe that Bush is terribly anti-gay, I think this does illustrate his intention to placate the religious right with government appointments of less-than qualified people.

The Boston Globe
Scandal puts spotlight on Christian law school
Grads influential in Justice Dept.
By Charlie Savage, Globe Staff April 8, 2007

VIRGINIA BEACH, Va. -- The title of the course was Constitutional Law, but the subject was sin. Before any casebooks were opened, a student led his classmates in a 10-minute devotional talk, completed with "amens," about the need to preserve their Christian values.

"Sin is so appealing because it's easy and because it's fun," the law student warned.

Regent University School of Law, founded by televangelist Pat Robertson to provide "Christian leadership to change the world," has worked hard in its two-decade history to upgrade its reputation, fighting past years when a majority of its graduates couldn't pass the bar exam and leading up to recent victories over Ivy League teams in national law student competitions.

But even in its darker days, Regent has had no better friend than the Bush administration. Graduates of the law school have been among the most influential of the more than 150 Regent University alumni hired to federal government positions since President Bush took office in 2001, according to a university website.

One of those graduates is Monica Goodling , the former top aide to Attorney General Alberto Gonzales who is at the center of the storm over the firing of US attorneys. Goodling, who resigned on Friday, has become the face of Regent overnight -- and drawn a harsh spotlight to the administration's hiring of officials educated at smaller, conservative schools with sometimes marginal academic reputations.

Documents show that Goodling, who has asserted her Fifth Amendment right against self-incrimination to avoid testifying before Congress, was one of a handful of officials overseeing the firings. She helped install Timothy Griffin , the Karl Rove aide and her former boss at the Republican National Committee, as a replacement US attorney in Arkansas.

Because Goodling graduated from Regent in 1999 and has scant prosecutorial experience, her qualifications to evaluate the performance of US attorneys have come under fire. Senator Sheldon Whitehouse, Democrat of Rhode Island, asked at a hearing: "Should we be concerned with the experience level of the people who are making these highly significant decisions?"
And across the political blogosphere, critics have held up Goodling, who declined to be interviewed, as a prime example of the Bush administration subordinating ability to politics in hiring decisions.

"It used to be that high-level DOJ jobs were generally reserved for the best of the legal profession," wrote a contributor to The New Republic website . ". . . That a recent graduate of one of the very worst (and sketchiest) law schools with virtually no relevant experience could ascend to this position is a sure sign that there is something seriously wrong at the DOJ."

The Regent law school was founded in 1986, when Oral Roberts University shut down its ailing law school and sent its library to Robertson's Bible-based college in Virginia. It was initially called "CBN University School of Law" after the televangelist's Christian Broadcasting Network, whose studios share the campus and which provided much of the funding for the law school. (The Coors Foundation is also a donor to the university.) The American Bar Association accredited Regent 's law school in 1996.

Not long ago, it was rare for Regent graduates to join the federal government. But in 2001, the Bush administration picked the dean of Regent's government school, Kay Coles James , to be the director of the Office of Personnel Management -- essentially the head of human resources for the executive branch. The doors of opportunity for government jobs were thrown open to Regent alumni.

"We've had great placement," said Jay Sekulow , who heads a non profit law firm based at Regent that files lawsuits aimed at lowering barriers between church and state. "We've had a lot of people in key positions."

Many of those who have Regent law degrees, including Goodling, joined the Department of Justice. Their path to employment was further eased in late 2002, when John Ashcroft , then attorney general, changed longstanding rules for hiring lawyers to fill vacancies in the career ranks.

Previously, veteran civil servants screened applicants and recommended whom to hire, usually picking top students from elite schools.

In a recent Regent law school newsletter, a 2004 graduate described being interviewed for a job as a trial attorney at the Justice Department's Civil Rights Division in October 2003. Asked to name the Supreme Court decision from the past 20 years with which he most disagreed, he cited Lawrence v. Texas, the ruling striking down a law against sodomy because it violated gay people's civil rights.

"When one of the interviewers agreed and said that decision in Lawrence was 'maddening,' I knew I correctly answered the question," wrote the Regent graduate . The administration hired him for the Civil Rights Division's housing section -- the only employment offer he received after graduation, he said.

The graduate from Regent -- which is ranked a "tier four" school by US News & World Report, the lowest score and essentially a tie for 136th place -- was not the only lawyer with modest credentials to be hired by the Civil Rights Division after the administration imposed greater political control over career hiring.

The changes resulted in a sometimes dramatic alteration to the profile of new hires beginning in 2003, as the Globe reported last year after obtaining resumes from 2001-2006 to three sections in the civil rights division. Conservative credentials rose, while prior experience in civil rights law and the average ranking of the law school attended by the applicant dropped.

As the dean of a lower-ranked law school that benefited from the Bush administration's hiring practices, Jeffrey Brauch of Regent made no apologies in a recent interview for training students to understand what the law is today, and also to understand how legal rules should be changed to better reflect "eternal principles of justice," from divorce laws to abortion rights.
"We anticipate that many of our graduates are going to go and be change agents in society," Brauch said.

Still, Brauch said, the recent criticism of the law school triggered by Goodling's involvement in the US attorney firings has missed the mark in one respect: the quality of the lawyers now being turned out by the school, he argued, is far better than its image.

Seven years ago, 60 percent of the class of 1999 -- Goodling's class -- failed the bar exam on the first attempt. (Goodling's performance was not available, though she is admitted to the bar in Virginia.) The dismal numbers prompted the school to overhaul its curriculum and tighten admissions standards.

It has also spent more heavily to recruit better-qualified law students. This year, it will spend $2.8 million on scholarships, a million more than what it was spending four years ago.
The makeover is working. The bar exam passage rate of Regent alumni , according to the Princeton Review, rose to 67 percent last year. Brauch said it is now up to 71 percent, and that half of the students admitted in the late 1990s would not be accepted today. The school has also recently won moot-court and negotiation competitions, beating out teams from top-ranked law schools.

Adding to Regent's prominence, its course on "Human Rights, Civil Liberties, and National Security" is co taught by one of its newest professors: Ashcroft.

Even a prominent critic of the school's mission of integrating the Bible with public policy vouches for Regent's improvements. Barry Lynn , the head of the liberal Americans United for the Separation of Church and State, said Regent is churning out an increasingly well-trained legal army for the conservative Christian movement.

"You can't underestimate the quality of a lot of the people that are there," said Lynn, who has guest-lectured at Regent and debated professors on its campus.

In light of Regent's rapid evolution, some current law students say it is frustrating to be judged in light of Regent alumni from the school's more troubled era -- including Goodling.
One third-year student, Chamie Riley , said she rejected the idea that any government official who invokes her Fifth Amendment right against self-incrimination could be a good representative of Regent.

As Christians, she said, Regent students know "you should be morally upright. You should not be in a situation where you have to plead the Fifth."

© Copyright 2007 The New York Times Company