Channeling Giovanni - Rambling thoughts from outside the cha cha...

Me: Interesting, peculiar, awash in contradiction, sensitive, easily distracted, odd, thoughtful, odd, political, philistine, romantic, laid back, clever, sweet, puppy dog, introspective, hyper, odd, Bohemian, untrendy, jock, and all around good guy.

Tuesday, May 28, 2013

Web browsers create catfish and jerks

I say this at least once a week.  I am SO glad I'm not single.

Guys online (insert your favorite dating/hookup site here) are complete jerk-wads.  And, the anonymity of the Internet seems to amplify this in people's personalities.  One of my close friends is in the dating scene and is trying to make the online dating thing work.  And failing horribly.  Here are some of the types of guys (with my own attempt at humor inserted.)

  • The catfisher.  Everyone has heard about the catfisher.  He wants completely an online relationship. Probably lives in another city.  May ask for money. 
  • The pic collector. This guy has been around as long as the Internet has been online.  "Can you send me another picture?"  "That picture you sent me is not very clear.  Send another."  "I need a body/naked/ass picture before I meet up."  The pic collector always has a reason why he needs another picture of you but has sent none of himself. 
  • F is for Fake.  Why do guys do this?  They set up a fake profile.  Steal someone else's pictures.  Then they chat with you about meeting.  
  • The picture from 15 years ago guy.  He has pictures that are really old or they are taken from so far away you can't really see him.  He is embarrassed about his age or current physical shape.  Get over it dude. 
  • The A&F model.  File this in the "F" file for "fake".  He looks like an A&F model because the picture was from an A&F ad.
  • The tire kicker.  This guy is just checking things out.  Always.  You have a good chat and say "let's meet up".  He says "I'm not free now" or "I'm free next week sometime" or "Some other time".
  • The Something Better Might Come Along guy.  This guy likes you, but he does not "like you" like you.  So, he is waiting to see if he can arrange something better.  He will hit up you up later to meet but LONG after you have logged out.  This guy is related to the tire kicker. 
  • Blocks You When You Unlock guy.  This guy was expecting Brad Pitt and when you opened up and he say "Guy Next Door" he could not cope so he just blocked you.  What ever happened to, "I'm sorry I don't think it is a good match."
  • Mr. 8.5 Inches.  To read dating site profiles, you would think that all gay men are massively hung.  In Internet-world, the measuring stick starts reading it 2", not 0". 




Daddies

A few months ago, I met up with a hot young guy that was half my age and completely fascinated by me.  While I found him very attractive, the age difference was far too much for me for anything other than a fling.  And I told him as much.  While he knows I'm in a relationship, he had hoped for something a bit more.

I asked him why he is attracted to a guy that is so much older (and more wrinkled and less hair and more fat)  than himself.  I sure can't last through 3 hour sex sessions any more, am only average endowed, and don't make much more than the average guy.

He said that I made him feel safe and that he liked my stability.  He liked my honesty. He liked my lack of drama and that I did not get spun up or stressed when things happened.  And, he liked that I had a different viewpoint on the world than his friends did. 

#FlatteredForSure

Are you listening younger guys?   Honesty?  No drama?  Stability?    Your youthful looks can get a hot guy.  Your attitude and presence can keep him.

Saturday, May 25, 2013

How to respond to a Craig's List ad


It is time for a follow up post to my award winning post on "How to write a Personals ad?". 

Frustrated because no one replied when you responded to their ad? Tired of the back and forth e-mails? Try these tips when you respond to a Craig's List Personals ad.

- Read the ad completely before responding.
- Responses with something like "Sup", "Still looking", or "Liked your ad" will get you ignored. Why would they even respond?
- If you are not what the person is looking for, don't respond. For example, if the ad says "No one over 30', don't respond if you are 31.
- Include your stats including height, weight, age, and ethnicity.
- If it is a hookup ad, include a little about what you are in to.
- Send clear/decent pics. YOU are responding to THEIR ad. Send your pic. If you don't trade pics or face pics, say that up front.
- Let them know if you can host and when.
- Tell the person what you want to happen next... Meetup? Coffee? More info? Blow in the bowling alley bathroom? 

Craig's List Mysteries


A friend of mine helped me put this together.  He had been checking out the Craig's scene for a few months. Some guys need a refresher in human interaction and need to understand how to be successful at Craig's dating, hookups, and the like.

"Just Dating" That is cool. Say so up front and stick to it. Don't send your naked pictures if you say you just want to go on a date.

"Your stats" This means at a minimum your height, weight, ethnicity, and age. Some people also include their dick size and if they are height/weight proportional. (HWP) Guys that leave these things out are leaving them out for a reason.

"What are you in to" Unless your ad is for strictly dating this is asking are you in to sexually such as oral, porn, verbal, jacking off, topping, bottoming, versatile, groups, etc..

"Pictures". Basic etiquette. Don't ask for something you have not sent. If you are responding to an ad, at LEAST send a body picture of YOURSELF, though guys are usually expecting your face picture. If you are responding to someone elses' ad, don't ask for his face picture unless you have sent one. You want face pictures first, post your own ad. If you don't send out face pictures at all, then state that up front. Some guys don't and some guys will meet up without one. But don't be surprised if I don't want to meet up with you.

"Face" pictures that are taken from 100 feet away or that are blurry or obscured are usually that way for a reason. Someone is trying to hide the fact that they are telling you they are 32y/o and they are really 52y/o.

"One liners" So, you send me a respond that just says "sup" or "still looking". Unless I'm incredibly bored, the "delete" button is easier to click than to respond to your lame ass. Ask yourself, why would YOU respond to a message like that?

"Cheaters". Cheating on your BF or GF. That is between you and your other half. But, don't lie to me and let me think you are single. And, if your other half is jealous or suspicious, don't leave my address or phone number laying around. And delete your damn text messages to me.

Fakes: First, I have met some hot guys on Craigs. Yes, there are some real guys out there. I have also been stood up 3 times and met guys that were 15 years older than their pictures look. I tend to like older guys so that is not a bad thing but the fact that you are dishonest up front means you are not getting a call back. I have had back and forth emails with guys that ask for more and more pictures and ask for dirty talk via email but they refuse to send their pics even after demanding multiple pictures from me. Those guys don't just get the "Delete" button but they get the "Junk Mail" button.

NSA is just that. "No Strings Attached" sex. It does not mean coffee, drinks, dinner, hanging around or driving around in my car. Don't contact someone for NSA sex and then ask to meet somewhere for drinks first. That is a date.

State What You Want and When: And say it it up front. We are all grown men here. Don't tell me you are ready to get together only to find after we have exchanged pics and numbers to find out that you don't get off until 5hours from now.

Hosting: If you can host safely, then do say so. But, if you want me to sneak in or climb in a freaking window, say so. I'll say no, but at least let me know. Don't let your horniness get the better of your judgement. I don't ever want to get caught with someone face down over their couch with me pounding them and have their roommate coming walking through the door with 2 of his friends. (Yes, it really happened and no, the friends were not turned on, and, no, they did NOT join in.)

Looking for something better: Don't lead me on for 2hours just because you are hoping something better will come along. You may think you are being coy when you keep making excuses but you are just being evasive and it is obvious.

HIV Negative As of September 30th. Seriously? That is not safe sex, that is limited containment after the fact. The HIV virus can remain undetectable for 3-months in some cases.

Sexual exploits and who is doing whom: Come on guys, try to keep some things private. 

How to write a Personals ad...


You see the guys posting "trying this again cuz it did not work last time" or "not found what I'm looking for", but their ads have no info. Avoid the trolls responding to your ads. Avoid people just skipping over your ad. Avoid the back-and-forth mails while the guy asks you a bunch of questions. 

Put the right things in your ad if you want results.

- Include your stats. Ethnicity, height, weight, AND age at a minimum
-Your body type (fat/stocky/average/buff/skinny)? Hairy/smooth? Bald/shaved/short hair/long hair?
- Hookup? Dating? NSA? DL? Say so.
- What type of pics do you expect? Face only? Body?
- Age range you looking for? Under 30? 25 - 45?
- Your ethnicity or ethnicities you are in to? White? Black? Asian? Latin?
- Type of guy you are in to? Body builder? Construction? Cowboy? Moke?
- If a hookup ad, what types of action? Top/bottom? Oral? Receiving only? Giving only? Kissing?

You will save yourself a LOT of time and frustration if you do this. And, anyone responding to your ad will know the answers to the most common questions. And, if a 60 year old guy responds and says "I know you said you were looking for guys under 25 but....", you can reply back "WTF, can't you read???!!!" LOL

Thursday, May 23, 2013

Straight.... to the nearest guy

In the category of dating and hookup sites, based on the on ads I have seen, it is amazing the number of straight guys and "first timers" that advertise every day. Many guys switching over daily!! At this rate, we will have no straight males left to help keep our species populated within a year.

And, it is nice that these "first timers" and straight guys already know the "gay" lingo such as "be HWP", "no fatties", "no femmes", "no chubs" and "no oldies".

Wednesday, May 22, 2013

Making fun of grandpa...

I remember the fun times; sitting in the bars with my friends making fun of the "old" guys and grandpas that were trying to look young with their caps, bleached hair, muscle shirts, and over-done tans. We resented it any time one of these guys even tried to be nice to us.

Now, 25 years later, I think about what a petty, judgmental, short-sighted twink some of my friends were. The young vs. old mentality was there even in 1980, but it was not as noticeable as today. Today, the young guys are almost violently anti-old guy. And, it is not just the young guys who are to blame.

I learned at about 23 years old not to be so judgmental of older guys. It turned out that some of my best and most interesting friends were 20+ years older than me. I was one of the lucky ones.

Old Guys
Don't be such lecherous old men. If a guy says he is not interested, leave it alone. Don't keep trying to get him in bed or ask him out or tell him he is missing out.  You want to ruin a potential friendship and generate resentment, THAT is the way to do it. We live in a youth-oriented culture, but you have to accept that you are not 21 anymore. Accept that most guys that are 10 years or more younger than you are not going to be in to you anymore. Take care of yourself, but age with a little dignity. And, don't lie about your age.

Young Guys
I promise you, if you continue to live, most if not all of these things will happen to you: You will get gray hair. Your hair will fall out. You will get man-boobs. Those abs you are so proud of will get covered in fat. Your skin will get leathery. Your skin will get wrinkled. Your stomach will expand and fall out over your belt. Your penis will not get as hard or get hard as quick. You will become the guy that you look at today and find "disgusting".  And, it will happen way before you expect it.

The loathing you find for "old guys" today will be self-loathing in the future. Enjoy your youth, but don't spend it hating the person that you will become.

Monday, May 20, 2013

HIV tested last month...

How many times have I heard a guy talking about safe sex and saying something like "I was tested last month so I'm clean."

That is not safe sex.  That is limited containment and damage control.  Unless you trust someone a WHOLE heck of a lot, put a condom on it.

HIV/AIDS still kills.

So, I'm back....

I guess I needed an outlet for gay thoughts....